THE TERMINATOR vs. A TOASTER for Thursday, November 5, 2009

It’s the eternal question.  Something we’ve all wondered but no one, until now, has dared to ask.  Which is better?  The Terminator or a toaster?     Of course before we dare answer, we must define WHICH Terminator we are talking about.  The Terminator 1 killing machine?  The Terminator 2 or 3 bad assed big brother?  Or the Terminator TV show Loving, touching, squeezing babe-o-rama?   Well how about all of them.  That’s right, we are taking all of the terminators and placing them, guns blazing, against the maker of yummy, crunchy toast.   The Toaster doesn’t stand a chance.

	Terminator 1	Terminator 2&3	TV Show	Toaster	Winner!
Time of Origin	Future	Future	Future	Present	Terminator
Killer or no?	Yes	No	No	Unknown	Terminator
Makes Toast?	No	No	No	Yes	Toaster
Is Toast?	Yes	Yes	Maybe	No	Toaster
Carries Gun?	Yes	Yes	Yes	No	Terminator
Self Aware?	Yes	Yes	Yes	No	Terminator
Must follow the commands of a whiny brat?	No	Yes	Yes	No	Toaster
Toasts Pop Tarts?	No	No	No	Yes	Toaster
Remains become part of Skynet?	Yes	No	No	No	Terminator
Future Politician?	Yes	Yes	Unknown	No	Toaster
Appeared in Last Action Hero?	Yes	Yes	No	No	Toaster
Toasts Bagels?	No	No	No	Yes	Toaster
Good Wedding Gift?	No	No	Yes	Yes	Tie
Good Actor?	No	No	Yes	No	Terminator
Makes Sandwiches Yummier	No	No	Maybe	Yes	Toaster

AND THE WINNER IS …

THE TOASTER!!!!!!

Congratulations to Toaster on it’s seemingly impossible win. 

Join us next time when we pit this weeks winner vs.. Aquaman!

WEEKLY NEWS ROUNDUP for Sunday, November 1, 2009

A VERY SPECIAL “HOLLOW WEENIE” ISSUE

PACK OF NOSEY KIDS KILLED WHILE TRYING TO EXPOSE OLD AMUSEMENT PARK OWNERS’ EVIL PLANS. POLICE SAY THE GROUP OF KIDS, WHO REGULARLY SOLVE MYSTERIES, EACH MET A HORRIBLE END TO A SEEMINGLY EASY TO ESCAPE TRAP. ”LET’S FACE IT,” A POLICE SPOKESMAN SAID “THESE WERE NOT THE BRIGHTEST KIDS.” THE LONE SURVIVOR OF THE MASSACRE, A STRANGE LOOKING DOG, WAS FOUND BY ONE OF THE BODIES CRYING “RO-NO, RO-NO. RYE SHAGGY, RYE!”

SWINE FLU OF LOVE

TORONTO – As supplies of the H1N1 flu vaccine dwindle, healthy adults are being asked to step aside so that target groups of high-risk people can get the shots first.   The following groups of people can get their H1N1 shots:   - Health Care Workers.   - Children six months to five years.   - The elderly.   - Politicians.   - Politicians family.   - People who claim they are in a politicians family.   - Larry Jacobs   - Anyone wearing a T-Shirt with a clever saying on it.  (The cleverness of said saying will be determined BEFORE the shot is administered.)   - Anyone who can air guitar a half decent version of My Sharona.     To make sure there are plenty of H1N1 shots available for the target groups, the following groups of people will not be eligible for the shot at any time.   - Goths.   That is all.

H1N1 SWINE FLU TIP #1       In order to guarantee not getting the Swine Flu, do not kiss a swine.   That is all.

SURE PLAYS A MEAN DEAF GIRL

NEW YORK – The casting of Academy Award nominated actress Abigail Breslin in the role of Helen Keller in the Broadway revival of the play “The Miracle Worker”, representatives for the blind/deaf acting community said … well I don’t know, they just sort of flapped their hands around a lot then looked at my like I knew what the hell they were doing.  Honestly, if they aren’t going to take this seriously… H1N1 SWINE FLU TIP #2   If someone near you coughs, kill them and send their soul back to the burning depths of hell where they belong!!!

PUT ME IN COACH, I’M READY TO PLAY

PHILADELPHIA – As game three of baseballs World Series begins, the New York Yankees attack the Philadelphia Phillies on their home turf to pull out a  … oh come on, is this crap still going on?  It’s November already.   Why can’t we have some hockey news????

MEANWHILE, OVER IN HOCKEY NEWS …

TORONTO – Meanwhile, over in Hockey news, the Toronto Maple Leafs lose yet another one to make their season record 1 win, 7 losses.   Hmmmm, I wonder how things are going in the World Series?????

A VERY SPECIAL CPFOG APOLOGY

We at CPFOG the Blog world headquarters would like to apologise to our deaf friends for suggesting that their form of communication, or “Sign Language” is in any way silly or funny or worth joking about.   I said I’M VERY SORRY FOR MAKING FUN OF YOU AND IT' WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN!  I SWEAR!!!!!!!   Starting now!

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H1N1 SWINE FLU TIP #3

Remember, just because you have the swine flu doesn’t mean you are allowed to be a burden on the health care system.  It’s better if you just hide in a darkened room and let nature take it’s course.   But you didn’t hear that from me, ok?

CPFOG the Blog is: Gord Gardiner – He did the monster mash. Jen Gardiner – She did the chicken dance.

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