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A VERY SPECIAL “IHUMOR“ ISSUE | |
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CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? | |
WASHINGTON – In what some call “Digital history”, President Barak “Husain- what?” Obama became the first commander-in-chief to “tweet” when he posted his first message to the social networking site Twitter. On January 19 Obama tweeted the message “Is this how you do this? Am I doing it right? Wussap!” Two minutes later he added his second message “OMG the Jonas Brothers rule!!! lol” | |
DICTIONARY BLUES | |
OTTAWA - Thousands of Canadians took to the streets this weekend, opposed to  Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s prorogation of Parliament. The protests were peaceful until someone asked what “prorogation” meant and everyone just freaked out. Meanwhile the leaders of the opposition, Michael Ignatieff (Liberal) and Jack Layton (NDP) acted as if they could do something about it, which I think is just adorable. Who’s a good leader of the opposition? You’re a good leader of the opposition? | |
MEANWHILE BACK AT THE RANCH | |
| SOME COTTAGE SOMEWHERE – Meanwhile Prime Minister Stephen Harper said that the rebuilding of earthquake ravaged Haiti would take at least a decade and that “Canada must commit to Haiti in the long term … sometime … later … not right now. You know it’s not like they aren’t going to still need help in a few weeks.” He then poured himself another mai-tai. It’s good to be the Prime Minister | |
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NOT LIKE I HAVE A CHANCE | |
HOLLYWOOD – News out of Hollywood says that movie power couple Brad Pitt and  Angelina Jolie may or may not have broken up. According to many outlets, the couple have or have not come to an agreement over a separation and that Jolie will or will not retain full time possession over the couples many children. The potential separation rumours did or did not begin when a tabloid magazine announced that Jolie possibly, but possibly not had an affair with a language coach on the set of her new movie, and that the golden couple have or have not seen divorce lawyers in order to split their fortune, which is or is not rumoured to be in the $350 million range. Man, I’m getting tired just trying to keep up. | |
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THIS JUST IN … STOP THE PRESSES … THIS JUST IN | |
| HOLLYWOOD – It has been confirmed that Angelina Jolie is indeed seeing someone, who has replaced Brad Pitt in her life. So congratulations to new power couple Angeline Jolie and Jay Leno. Man, is there anything he won’t break up? | |
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IDon’t Know | |
Computer and cool gizmo maker Apple is going to hold a news conference on  Wednesday to announce a new technology they have created. While there is no official word as to what they might be announcing, most Apple watchers seem to agree that the item will be the long awaited “IReality.” “IReality” is rumoured to be an application that is much like real life, but cooler, with a snazzy case and the ability to download such apps as “IFood”, “IGirlfriend” and the much anticipated “ISexual Encounter.” Critics, though, say that this new “IReality” is nothing more than regular reality in an new case with a nice pair of headphones, but Apple fans still wait with anticipation for what will, no doubt, make Steve jobs a lot richer. | |
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| CPFOG the Blog is: Gord Gardiner – IWriter Jen Gardiner - IProofreader | |
IT MEANS TO DELAY. WHY THEY CAN’T JUST SAY DELAY IS BEYOND ME |
Showing posts with label Stephen Harper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stephen Harper. Show all posts
Monday, January 25, 2010
WEEKLY NEWS ROUNDUP for Monday, January 25, 2010
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Weekly News Roundup for Sunday, September 20, 2009
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SOCIALIST PRESIDENT DARES ADDRESS SCHOOL CHILDREN WITH COMMON SENSE, GOOD ADVICE. “THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR NOT TRYING,” COMRADE OBAMA DARED PREACH, “NO ONE HAS WRITTEN YOUR DESTINY FOR YOU.” “HOW DARE HE SAY THE RIGHT THINGS,” A NOTED REPUBLICAN SAID. “THANKS TO HIS MANIFESTO OUR CHILDREN WILL BELIEVE THEY HAVE BRIGHT FUTURES AND CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING.” WHEN ASKED FOR HIS OPINION, TWELVE YEAR OLD MASON SMITH SAID “CAN I HAVE ICE CREAM?” |
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I LIKE GIRLS WHO WEAR ABERCROMBIE & FITCH |
| WASHINGTON – The head of the International Monetary Fund called for increased aid to poor countries, saying that they are victims of the global recession. “Poor countries desperately need financing to tide them over,” Dominique Strauss-Khan said during a meeting with a Washington think tank this week. “How can we expect an African child to afford a V-neck sweater from Abercrombie & Fitch without our help? How can an average African mother feed a family of four and still find money for the odd manicure? How I ask you, how?” When later questioned, Strauss-Kahn admitted he didn’t know much about Africa other than it’s a catchy tune and he has it as his ring tone. |
CITATION NEEDED |
WASHINGTON – Protesters greeted Canadian Prime Minister Steven Harper as he travelled to Washington this week to meet with President Obama. The protesters, from P.E.T.A. (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) were there to protest “whatever it is you Canadians are doing up there.” According to a spokesperson “We know that Canada is up to something. We know because we read it on Wikipedia, and we want Canada to stop it, whatever it is.” Along with chants of “Hey hey, ho ho, you know what you did, we don’t have to remind you, so stop it, or we shall protest some more” protesters held signs reading “Stop the senseless thing”, “Canada is guilty, I guess, “ and “The guy with the megaphone told me to protest!” |
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PARDON MY INTERRUPTION |
NEW YORK – There has been worldwide outrage this week when, during the MTV Video Awards rapper Kanye West jumped up on stage during Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech fore best female video of the year. West, who had been drinking heavily, took the microphone from Swift, told her he’d give it back and proclaimed that Beyonce’s video was “One of the greatest of all time!” It was later discovered that Kanye sampled the interruption from a 1972 Frank Zappa outburst during the Grammy awards when he jumped on stage, took the microphone from Carole King and announced that “Me and Bobbie McGee is the grooviest tune of all time.” |
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EYE SPY |
| MIAMI – Blind for nine years, Sharron “Kay” Thompson can finally see thanks to a remarkable procedure known as the “Tooth in eye procedure.” The procedure, more formally known as modified osteo-odonto-keratoprosthesis (MOOKP), involved taking one of Thompson’s teeth (Ick), attaching a lens to it (Yuck) and implanting it inside the eyeball (Ewewew) and holding it in place using a mucous layer found inside of Thompsons mouth. (Ithinki’mgonna puke yuck yuck yuck) With this operation considered a success, next week doctors plan on implanting a small speaker into the ear of a deaf person using three meters of lower intestine and a mould grown from something found between two toes of some homeless guy. |
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| CPFOG the BLOG Written by: Gord Gardiner – Team Edward Prufrod by: Jen Gardiner – Team Jacob |
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