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A VERY SPECIAL ``YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER`` ISSUE |
NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE SHUTS DOWN AFTER WAYNE GRETZKY RETIRES. “THERE IS NO LEAGUE WITHOUT WAYNE!” NHL COMMISSIONER GARY BETTMAN CRIED, SHAKING HIS FISTS AT AN UNJUST GOD. FOLLOWING THIS ANNOUNCEMENT, THE UNITED NATIONS PASSED A RESOLUTION MAKING IT ILLEGAL FOR ANYONE, ANYWHERE TO PLAY HOCKEY EVER AGAIN UNTIL SUCH TIME AS WAYNE GRETZKY OR ANY OF HIS MALE HEIRS DECIDE TO RETURN TO THE SPORT OF HOCKEY. (OR BARRING THAT, HIGH SCHOOL BADMINTON.) |
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ROLL A NATURAL D20, GET DOUBLE ECONOMY SCORES |
| PITTSBURGH – The leaders of the world’s twenty largest economies met this week in meetings with a focus on economic recovery, climate change and attempting to finally beat Boris Yeltsin’s 25 year Ms. Pac Man high score. British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said he hoped that leaders at the G20 will  agree to a new "compact" on jobs and growth as he prepares for the Rubics Cube competition and kegger, followed by the traditional screening of the movie C.H.U.D. Of course this meeting comes at a delicate time for many, German Chancellor Angela Merkel faces an election at home on Sunday, and Japanese Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama has been in office just over a week so no one has had time to teach him the official secret knock, believed to be the drum solo from The Who’s Won’t Get Fooled Again. And while the United States will urge G20 countries not to scale back stimulus spending programs just yet, It will be difficult to maintain such a stance after karaoke night when Jell-O shooters will be half price to any leader of an economic powerhouse (as long as he has the correct I.D.) |
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THIS IS DEDICATED TO THE ONE I LOVE – LITERALLY |
| CHICAGO – Former actress Mackenzie Phillips appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show this week to plug her new book and shocked the world when she said she had a sexual relationship with her father, late musician “Papa” John Phillips. The claimed this while promoting her new autobiography. The book, titled Stuff I Probably Should Have Kept To Myself, details Phillips life as daughter of a rock icon, television actress and heavy drug user. |
CPFOG the BLOG IS PROUD TO PRESENT |
OTHER REVELATIONS FROM MACKENZIE PHILLIPS AUTOBIOGRAPHY |
| - She used to make “Mama” Cass Elliot ham sandwiches. - She was the inspiration for Larry the Cable Guy. - After she was fired from the sit-com One Day at a Time, she briefly appeared in Mexican Wrestling as El Gaga. - The song The Loco Motion was based on her brief time as a train conductor. |
THAT’S SOME FINE POLICE WORK THERE LOU! |
Oscar winning Director Roman Polanski was arrested this week by the Swiss authorities on a decades old arrest warrant stemming on a sex charge filed in California. Polanski pleaded guilty in 1977 to having sex with a 13 year old girl, but left the U.S. before he could be sentenced. Since then Polanski has been in hiding, camping out in five star hotels, cleverly hiding himself in the directors chair of major motion pictures and the red carpet of premiers and high class parties. No wonder it took so long to find him. |
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