WEEKLY NEWS ROUNDUP for Sunday, October 18, 2009

NOW WITH 100% MORE TWILIGHT!

SMALL TOWN WELCOMES PALE, SHIMMERY VAMPIRES AS FORM OF WEREWOLF CONTROL. “IT’S A DESPERATE MOVE I KNOW” TOWN MAYER SAYS “BUT THERE ISN’T MUCH ELSE WE CAN DO.  YOU HAVE TO FIGHT SUPERNATURAL ENTITY WITH SUPERNATURAL ENTITY.” WHEN ASKED WHAT HE WOULD DO IF THE VAMPIRES TRY TO TAKE OVER, THE MAYER SAYS HE WILL CALL IN AN ARMY OF ZOMBIES, WHICH HE WILL THEN DEFEAT WITH MUMMIES, WHICH WILL THEN HAVE TO FIGHT CRAB PEOPLE, SLIME PEOPLE AND, FOR SOME REASON, THE WOMAN’S AUXILIARY OF CHELTENHAM.

IT’S ABOUT PRIORITIES PEOPLE!!!

The world was on the edge of it’s seat this week when the newly reformed Soviet Union threatened an nuclear ICBM first strike against western forces unless they  were allowed to regain territorial control over Aphganistan.  A spokesman for the Russian President said “We will not hesitate to defend what is obviously ours, even if it means worldwide destruction.”   President Obama, responding to the crises … wait a minute … this just in, a boy is trapped in a balloon.  That’s right, a boy is trapped inside of a home made weather balloon and we are going to dedicate every moment of every news minute to this very, very important story.     Oh the humanity!! FUN TWILIGHT FACT #1   The Twilight book series was not originally called Twilight.  Author Stephanie Meyer wanted to call the book Little Bella and the Vamperella, but changed to title after 23 publishers turned it down.  The 24th publisher was drunk when he read the manuscript, which explains a lot.

BUT THAT AIN’T WHAT IT TAKES TO LOVE ME   LONDON – Two Slovenian scientists have discovered a species of large spider assumed to have been extinct.  Found in South Africa, the female spider, who's leg span is 10 to 12 centimetres and can spin a web a meter in diameter, has been named the AAAAAAAHHHHHGETITOFFMEGETITOFFME Spider.   The spider is larger than the previous record holders, the OHMYGODOHMYGOD Spider and the deadly AAAAAAHHHHHHH (faint) Spider of Madagascar. TWILIGHT FUN FACT #2   Actor Robert Pattinson was not the first actor considered for the role of Edward.  The role was originally offered to three year old Christian McMichael, but he was considered too good an actor so Pattinson got his big break.

WAX ON, WAX OFF

HOLLYWOOD – Madame Tussauds wax museum in Hollywood unveiled their new attraction this week.  The attraction was wax duplicates of the tween favourite Jonas  Brothers.   Almost immediately the wax figures were given a three album deal, a TV show and a movie.  Plans are now afoot for twelve more sets of wax figures, each set with their own region of the world.  Soon there will be Jonas Brothers wax figures everywhere.  Every house will have their own Jonas Brothers wax figures.  Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

---

TWILIGHT FUN FACT #3

In a recent poll, when asked to choose between Team Edward or Team Jacob, 73% of respondents threw themselves off of bridges.

CPFOG the Blog is: Gord Gardiner – Team Larry the Cable Guy Jen Gardiner – Team Curly Joe

Technorati Tags: Twilight,Jonas,Brothers,Giant,Spider,Baloon,Boy,Vampires,Werewolf