WEEKLY NEWS ROUNDUP for Sunday, August 23, 2009

Technorati Tags: Oliver Stone,Sean Penn,Robin Write Penn

Technorati Tags: Obama,Yoko,Michael,Jackson,Birthers

JACKSON FAMILY SPOKESMAN ADMITS “MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL DEAD!”

BUT THAT SHOULDN’T STOP YOU FROM EXPRESSING YOUR LOVE FOR HIM OPENLY

AND MAYBE VISITING OUR GIFT SHOP WHERE YOU CAN FIND OFFICIAL MICHAEL JACKSON AND THE JACKSON FAMILY MERCHANDISE INCLUDING THE REMOTE CONTROL MICHAEL JACKSON WITH AUTHENTIC MOONWALKIING ACTION (TWO C CELL BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED)

AND IT REALLY, REALLY WORKS.

WORLD:

Hey look, it’s Yoko Ono! I’m a Yoko, you’re a Yoko He’s a Yoko, She’s a Yoko Wouldn’t you like to be a Yoko too?

THIS WEEK IN PRESIDENT OBAMA’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE (PART TWELVE)   WASHINGTON - In yet another attempt to prove that President Obama was born outside of the U.S., Orly Taitz, leader of the so called “Birther” movement, produced a copy of Obama’s alleged Kenyan birth certificate that was dug up after being ordered, signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public enquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months.  Next week it will be and recycled as firelighters.   It was later found to be a hoax, or maybe not.  Who the hell knows anymore?    It just makes my head hurt.

OH IT’S ONE FINE DAY TO BE NUDE!     WASHINGTON - Former U.S. president Bill Clinton is being hailed as a hero as he traveled to North Korea to secure the release of two American reporters being held there, declaring the gesture to be a private, humanitarian mission.    Meanwhile Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was last seen crying in her scotch.  (Which isn’t a double entendre. because, Yuck.)

THIS JUST IN .. STOP THE PRESSES ... THIS JUST IN     PLANET EARTH - Leader of the “Birther” movement Orly Taitz has just produced a birth certificate showing that President Obama was, in fact, not only not born on American soil, but was born on the planet ZzhzgaCKzz that circles the sun that we earthlings know as Alpha Centauri, proving not only that Obama is not an American, but is also not of this planet.    “This is the big one,” Taitz said at a hastily called press conference in the break room of a local Barnes and Nobles.  “We’re through the looking glass people.” before suddenly declaring that Obama was really from the fictional world of “Wonderland” and mumbled something about a Cheshire cat.

THIS ISSUE OF CPFOG the Blog IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY 911 TRUTHERS Hey, over here.  We’re still out here.  Over here!!  Someone please pay attention to us!!!

ENTERTAINMENT:

DIVORCING MAN WALKING    HOLLYWOOD – In what has come as a shock to absolutely no one, actress Robin Write Penn has filed for divorce from her husband Sean Penn. This is the third time in as many years that the couple has threatened permanent separation   It was later discovered that this was all a clever marketing campaign for their upcoming movie the Douche Bag and the Attention Whore.   Michael Caine is attached. AND HE STONED ME TOO MY SOUL   NEW YORK – Showtime says filmmaker Oliver Stone is producing a 10-part series on what he calls the secret history of America.  The series will focus on events in the past 60 years that went underreported when they took place, but crucially shaped the nation’s history.   Episode one of the series will focus on the possibility of a second shooter in the Lincoln assassination, who may have shot from behind the grassy knoll set on stage.   Episode two will look into the possibility of a second shooter behind the violence of the Viet Nam war, and finally he’ll take a controversial look into the theory that there was a second director behind the movie “J.F.K.”   We’re through the looking glass here people!!!

THIS JUST IN … STOP THE PRESSES … THIS JUST IN    EARTH TWO - “Birther” Leader Orly Taitz has announced that she has broken the time/space barrier and ended up on an alternate Earth.  There she was able to find the birth certificate of THAT Earths President Obama which proved that THAT Obama was actually born in New Zealand and is therefore ineligible to be President.   But it turns out THAT Obama is a white guy, so she just quietly went on her way, nothing to see here.