Christmas!
Every December 25th like some sort of virus and ... Oh wait no, like an ex girlfriend who won't leave you alone and ... No! Like an itch, yeah an itch that you can't scratch for a month then you finally scratch it on the same day every freaking year. Yeah, I like that better.
The thing is this itch ... Which is what I am really staying with really, really I mean it ... Returns every freaking year, so you have to go through the whole pain in the ass reaching over your left shoulder with your right hand and almost, but not quite reaching it so you rub against your bed but that does nothing and ... Well you know how this ends. You realize you have some sort of stick or something and it reaches the itch and it just so happens to be December 25th again!
Pain in the ass.
But the bigger pain in the ass is what happened after Christmas. No not New Years, although that is also a bit of a pain in the ass. No I'm talking about the Christmas hangover. That feeling you get that, after a month of trying to feel good about the world and trying to be nice to your fellow man (and woman and children and guy names Guido who dresses in some very nice gowns) and after a day of getting stuff and eating and drinking, you just feel like something is missing suddenly.
No more good feelings.
No more free stuff.
No more good food.
No more fancy drinks that for some reason always involve the flavor peppermint.
It's all over and you are stuck with 11 months of treating your fellow man (and woman and children and that lady at the Starbucks who has a really butch haircut for such a pretty face) like you normally treat them.
And a freaking ice storm. Let's not forget the ice storm.
I'm not telling you or anyone (ok you!) to treat your fellow man (or woman or children or some other sexual stereotype that I haven't insulted yet) that you should treat people better
During the other 11 months. I am suggesting we have a Christmas every month!
That's right. 12 Christmases a year. One a month. Although we don't have to call them all Christmases. We can name them individually for something that happens that month.
Work with me here. February being Black History Month can have Martin Luther King Jr.-mas. August can have Jimmy Buffett-mas. In March we can have a Hunger Games style lottery to pick who to name it after!
Each one can have it's own decorations, it's own seasonal music, it's own types of lights. And there would be no time to have a Martin Luther King Jr-mas hangover because we have to turn around and get ready for my wife Jenifer Gardiner-mas.
Think about what it would do for the economy! It'll solve unemployment!
It is the perfect solution to all of our problems!
You are welcome world!
