Ah there you are!
Welcome back, to all my fellow Gruntles in need of their Bi-weekly dose of “dis”.
Do you remember when “journalism” (a.k.a. the “Free Press”) was considered to be the “Fourth Estate”, one of the key ingredients, for better or worse, in that haphazard stew that is Society?
Do you remember when “journalism” was considered an honourable, even noble profession?
Do you remember when “journalism” was fact-based, relaying what was actually known with you, the reader, listener, or viewer expected to formulate your own opinions based on those facts?
Of course you don’t.
Nobody does.
Nor do most of us have sufficient grounds for believing in a time when any commentary ON “journalism” didn’t invite the use of “ironic” “quotation marks” used “ironically”.
So it’s no surprise that very few of us can readily recall the time when the purpose of a headline was to suggest what might be the content of the ensuing article. Instead we now have the deliberately “provocative” headline, intended to sound SO shocking and outlandish that you simply must read what follows.
So, to what is all of this leading… up… to…?
Well, first off, even though I showed incredible restraint, I think I’ve established that our so-called “civilization” has become so “fragmented” that any sense of our common humanity has been lost, and along with it any hope of constructive discourse, amid the ever-escalating din of fatuous “commentary” from boorish, pandering hucksters and pitchmen posing as “rogue” statesmen.
These freak-show barkers, the CNNs, Fox Newses, the Glenn Becks and Rush Limbaughs and other, lesser known (but no less dangerous or corrupt) versions of the same thing, have so polluted, so corroded the so-called “public-discourse” that it is impossible to sort the “proverbial” “wheat” from the “proverbial” “chaff”.
Thus, if one “wishes” to enter into the public “conversational” “arena”, without merely paying lip-service to discourse by simply “echoing” one of the “knee-jerk”, “lobotomy-friendly” pre-packaged “infotainment” “sound-bite” “streams”, one is almost entirely hampered by the “need” to “convey” one’s “awareness” of the futility of such an endeavour through the “egregious”, “excessive” and totally “unnecessary” use of “ironic” “quotation marks”, that is, if one wishes to convey, along with one’s point of view, one’s “emotive” “awareness” that one is ultimately achieving nothing more than merely adding to the general “rhubarb” of an “apathetic” “ignorant” and “narcissistic” populace in the final stages of their decline.
Which can only mean…
IT’S TIME TO HAVE FUN WITH HEADLINES!!!!!!
NICOLE RICHIE REAR-ENDED BY PAPARAZZO
No joke here… just a little “porn-uendo” for starters. |
MARC GARNEAU TO BE IGNATIEFF’S QUEBEC POINT MAN
Garneau: There it is.
Iggy: I know.
Garneau: It’s right there, across the river from Ottawa.
Iggy: I know.
Garneau: If we ever go up in space together I can point it out from there too, y’know.
Iggy: I know.
NOBEL CHEMISTRY PRIZE AWARDED TO TRIO And it’s about FREAKIN’ TIME…. Hel-LO!!!
They gave us “Da da da”… if you don’t feel the chemistry from that you’re
clinically dead.
Apparently according to the sub-header… Three scientists will share the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for their studies of the structure and function of ribosome's, which are crucial to life.
But not quite so crucial as chicken-wing-osomes, or potato-chiposomes.
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THROW OUT “BIZARRE” PROSTITUTION LAWS, COURT TOLD The court was also told to dispose of ‘wacky’ prostitution laws, which would ban clown-noses and whoopee cushions… …and ‘hokey-pokey’ prostitution laws which would disallow the “…putting in and out of right and or left appendages as well as more extreme variations involving the tongue, bottom or human skull.”
The commission went on to note that “nothing in the new recommendations interferes with the dog-skull or rat-skull provisions, set on the books by Sir John A. MacDonald himself during a brief moment of licentious sobriety in 1882”
EHEALTH SCANDAL A $18B WASTE: AUDITOR 109 Well “Auditor 109” I could have told you THAT!
No porn.
No stained skirts, airport washroom tap-dance sessions, or Brazilian trail following.
Not even a juicy tell-all from a transgendered, albino, paraplegic hooker.
And where the hell was Britney Spears in all this???
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GOVERNMENT TRYING TO MUZZLE DIPLOMAT: LAWYER And we’re back to the ‘bizarre’ prostitution thing again.
Randy little bugger, that government of ours.
OLYMPIC SECURITY FOLLOWS PROTESTERS FRIEND Common Wealth Games Ennui Plagues Protester’s Acquaintance.
Daytona 500 Paranoia Grips Thousands Who Never Met Protester! |
RCMP LIED, POLISH LAWYER TELLS TASER INQUIRY You know, I’m not religious, but I think I’d opt for the old “hand on the Bible” thing before going for the “taser inquiry”.
And let’s face it, can we really rely on anything anyone says to a “taser  inquiry”?
Let alone a “police bat question” or a “boot-to-groin interrogative”.
OR
“Polish lawyer”? We have “polish” lawyers now? What’s next?
“Lemon Pledge Parliamentarians”?
“Abrasive Cleanser Commissions”?
Jonathan Roy Pleads Guilty In Hockey Assault Trial 39 Jeebus! What is with our legal system these days!?! A “Hockey Assault Trial” sounds even more painful than a “Taser Inquiry”!
NATIONAL SECURITY INVOKED TO SEAL DIPLOMAT’S LETTER Royal Navy Recalled to Tie Diplomat’s Shoes Ex-Navy Seal Ordered to Tie Diplomat’s Tie!
WTF!?!?!?!
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GUINEA COMMANDER MUST RESIGN: OPPOSITION Uh… I believe he prefers to be called “Italian”… C’mon Opposition. A little class?
MAN KILLED IN SINGLE-VEHICLE CRASH Whoo hoo hoo hoo! HehehehehehehHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! |
GLOBAL CELPHONE USE SOARING: UN So, even the UN knows how CanWest got themselves into this mess?
They could’ve called and let somebody know… Oh right.
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POLICE HIT JERUSALEM STREETS TO QUELL TENSIONS Marines Punch Jerusalem Walls to Relieve Stress.
Blackwater Operatives “Pound” Jerusalem Whores to Support the Local Economy.
Muslims Punch Jews Because… Well, It’s Kind of Their Thing.
PREVENTABLE MATERNAL DEATHS KILL THOUSANDS IN INDIA Preventable? Who you tink you foolin’!?! You can’t STOP those Mothers!
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GIANT RING AROUND SATURN FOUND Thin Layer of Scum Coats Jupiter’s Moon. Embarrassing Stain Around Uranus Causes Concern.
INDONESIANS SEEK OUT QUAKE MEDICAL TEAMSI believe it’s spelled “Quack” and perhaps they should be taking this more seriously. |
IMF PROTESTS BROKEN UP IN TURKEY Environmental Protests Cracked Up In Sacramento. Anti-War Protests Busted Up In London.
Pro-Choice Protests Laugh Themselves Silly in Michigan.
Is there ANYONE who doesn’t find Craig Ferguson hilarious?
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following day, only now the pen is weighed down by guilt at having failed to achieve these meaningless tasks. It’s an ugly cycle and I refuse to participate.
