MY "DO DON'T" LIST For Friday, October 16, 2009

“To Do” lists have vexed humanity for years, compelling reasonable organized people to take their imagined Obsessive Compulsive Disorders to another level and compile a daily list of things that they absolutely must accomplish on that particular day but never do and so must recopy everything onto the “To Do” list for the following day, only now the pen is weighed down by guilt at having failed to achieve these meaningless tasks. It’s an ugly cycle and I refuse to participate.   Instead, I offer the alternative… The “To Don’t” List, a tally of things one may (if one so chooses) strive to not do on any given day.   For example, here is my To Don’t List for today, Friday, October 16, 2009. Today I won’t… Jump out of an airplane using an umbrella for a parachute, even though I’ve a pogo-stick for a backup plan. Drive several miles in reverse, just to see if I can. Kill a guy. Get a tattoo quoting lines from a novel I really like. (Yeah, I’m talking to you, obsessive Twilight fans.) Fart. …Damn. Well, maybe tomorrow. Appear on a reality show based solely on ridicule and humiliation. Eat anything that I don’t want to eat, no matter who says it’s good for me. Go nude mountain-climbing. Violate the laws of physics. Die. Use chewing tobacco as a way to meet new people. Grow additional limbs. Think that thirteen is an unlucky number to finish a list. It’s just a stupid superstition, not reality. Numbers can’t hur--- AAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Technorati Tags: Twilight