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| DUCK, DUCK, DUCK, DUCK, SQUASH |
Gardener Lionel Partridge of Cheddar, Somerset, England found himself thrown  into the spotlight this week when he revealed a green squash that looks like … wait for it … A DUCK!
That’s right, I said a duck!
Don’t believe me? Take a look. There it is, on the right.
A freakin’ duck!
No photoshopping done here folks, that is one freely grown squash that looks like a freakin’ duck!
I mean holy crap …………… holy crap!
A freakin’ DUCK!!!!!
Ok, so it was a slow news week.
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| SHALL WE PLAY A GAME? |
TEHRAN – In an effort to protect it’s nuclear facilities from attack, Iran has begun a  series of War Games.
The Games, which began Sunday, include Matthew Broderick “accidentally” hacking into WOPR, starting what appears to be a simple game, but instead puts the world on the brink of Nuclear annialation.
It’s unclear why Iran would want to re-create a 1983 movie in this form, but the commander of Iran’s Elite Revolutionary Guard's air force, Gen. Amir Ali Hajizadeh, was heard asking “Do you think Ally Sheedy is still hot?”
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| HER KIND OF TOWN, CHICAGO WAS |
CHICAGO - To the dismay of shut-ins everywhere, daytime talk show host Oprah  Winfrey announced that she is quitting The Oprah Winfrey show after 25 years on the air.
“It feels right in my bones and right in my spirit,” Winfrey said on her show after the official announcement. “It’s exactly the right time.”
She also announced that the new host of The Oprah Winfrey Show will be comedian Arsenio Hall, who promised to keep up “the quality of spiritualistic ho-ha and pseudo-scientific claptrap.”
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| BITE ME!!!! |
The second book in the Twilight Vampire series, New Moon, broke opening day box office records this week, taking in $72.7 million (with a “M”) dollars, beating out  the previous record holder, The Dark Knight.
New Moon stars Kristen Stewart (Bella) as a small town girl on a Saturday night, lookin’ for the fight of her life. In a real-time world no one sees her at all, they all say … sorry, that was a different (and better) movie.
The movie also stars teen heartthrob Robert Pattinson as Edward, a vampire with a heart of gold who pines for Bella as she helps the beast regain his humanity before the last petal of the rose falls and … sorry, that was a different (and better) movie.
Anyway, the third side of the love triangle is Taylor Lautner, who plays a werewolf who preys on two American tourists on the moors of England and … sorry, sorry. Again, a different (and better) movie.
So, to make a long story short, this stupid movie based on a terrible book made far too much money. And you all laughed at me when I said “Blame it on The Bellboy” was a classic, huh!
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| YOU’RE TURNING INTO A PENGUIN. STOP IT! |
A recent study of DNA from ancient and modern Adelie penguins has shocked the scientific world.
The study, which compared DNA from 40,000 year old bones against modern penguins shows that the penguins are evolving up to two to six times faster than standard calculations indicated.
And I for one welcome our new penguin overlords. I’d like to remind them that as a member of the media I am valuable and I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their giant fish farms and ….
What? It was evolution on a MOLECULAR level?
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh …. Never mind. |
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| SOCCER IN THE MOUTH |
LONDON – The World Cup of Soccer handled scandal this week when, during a qualifying match, a French player used his hand to put the ball into the Irish net, and the Referee called it a fair goal.
Of course, Ireland appealed the result to the World Cup governing body, or FIFA, who met on Friday to discuss the game.
The meeting started in the morning and nothing happened, then nothing happened … nothing happened … then it looked like something was going to happen, but nothing happened … nothing happened … then they took a short break.
When they returned nothing happened … nothing happened … then one of the FIFA directors suddenly grabbed his shin and threw himself to the floor screaming, then nothing happened … nothing happened … then just when it looked like the meeting would end with no decision, they decided the referee made the final call so the game stands.
Tell me again why this game is so popular?????? |
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CPFOG the Blog is:
Gord Gardiner – Writer – Moody, shiny vampire.
Ryan Joyce – Photoshopper – Shirtless Werewolf
Jen Gardiner – Pofredder – Maniac, maniac on the floor.
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| Dear Gen. Amir Ali Hajizadeh. No, she isn’t.
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| HEY KIDS, THE LITTLEST HOBO SAYS … |
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