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| A VERY SPECIAL “GOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDD!!!!!” ISSUE |
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| I AM RUBBER AND YOU ARE GLUE |
LONDON – British Tory leader David Cameron has said he expects there will be an  inquiry into claims of bullying by Prime Minister Gordon Brown. The claims were made in a new book by Andrew Rawnsley, which detailed incidents in which Brown would call people “Poopie head” and demand their lunch money. A spokesman for the Prime Minister refuted the claims, saying that Brown is “Demanding” but “Doesn’t bully people.” He then called Rawnsley a “Momma’s boy” and gave him a wedgie. In other news, neener, neener, neener! |
| HUG IS IN THE AIR |
| LAS VEGAS - A 51-year-old Ohio man has attempted to break the world record for the most hugs given in 24 hours. Jeff Ondash, who hugs under the name Teddy McHuggin, managed 7,777 embraces in one day, partly thanks to his choice of location on the Las Vegas strip. When the marathon was over, McHuggin said “Hey, who took my wallet? I had it here when I started.” |
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| I’M SORRY BUT I SEEM TO HAVE WON AN AWARD |
LONDON – The British Film and Television Industry celebrated the finest in British  film and television this weekend when the British Academy of Film and Television Arts awards, or B.A.F.T.A were handed out. The big winner was noted British film The Hurt Locker, beating out other such British films as Avatar and District 9. That word they use, “British”, I don’t think it means what they think it means. |
| CPFOG IS PROUD TO PRESENT OTHER WINNERS OF THE B.A.F.T.A. AWARDS |
| - The Best Actor award went to Hugh Grant for No Sex Please, I’m a Lovable yet Indecisive British male with a Bit of A Stammer. - The Best Actress Award went to Carey Mulligan for I’m A Somewhat Flighty British Woman Who Stands Up for Something or Other. - The Best Costume Design award went to Yet Another British Period Piece. - And the Rising Star award went to Kristen Stewart (This one isn’t a joke … I guess, it’s hard to tell with those British.) |
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| GOT A TIGER IN YOUR TANK (IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) |
Golfer Tiger “I’ve Got A” Woods made his first public statement since the revelations of his torrid affairs this week. Woods took to a podium to apologise and accept blame for his many, many, many … many … many transgressions. If course not everyone was happy with his apology. Several of the women who knowingly slept with a married man were upset that woods did not apologise to them, much like they didn’t apologise to Woods wife Elin for knowingly sleeping with her husband. As well, Golf journalists were upset that Woods dared not take questions after his statement. Because if there is anyone you don’t want to cross it’s Golf journalists. |
| MEANWHILE, OVER AT THE WINTER OLYMPICS |
VANCOUVER – The host nation of Canada is in mourning after their beloved Men’s Hockey team lost to the Americans, causing a giant, fiery hole to appear in the sky  and the four horsemen to appear, ready to inflict a deadly apocalypse upon the world … dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria. Ok, so it’s not that bad, but don’t tell Canadian Hockey fans that. Meanwhile Canada, hoping to get their first ever Gold on home soil, have actually received four of the coveted medals: - Jon Montgomery won for Individual Sledding (Feet First) - Christine Nesbitt won for The Type of Skating that Would Get Me Kicked Out of My Local Rink - Maelle Ricker won for That Sport the Kids are Into These Days - and Alexandre Bilodeau won for Fancy, Schmancy Skiing. Congrats guy’s, your country is proud of you! |
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| CPFOG the Blog is: Gord Gardiner – Writer, likes to watch the Skeleton Jen Gardiner – RuffReader and is afraid of Skeletons. |
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Monday, February 22, 2010
WEEKLY NEWS ROUNDUP for Monday, February 22, 2010
