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| Let’s talk about cars and drivers for a bit. It’s a hot-button issue for me and Gird said I could write about whatever I want here. See, the problem with vehicle-drivers is that they are people and most people are idiots. Therefore most drivers are idiots. Unfortunately most idiots (because they are idiots) don’t realize the fact of their own idiocy and therein lies the problem.  The word idiot is defined as “an utterly foolish or senseless person.” Synonyms include fool, half-wit, imbecile, dolt, dunce, numskull, ass-hat, slap-head, window-licker, butt-head and Member of Parliament. The word comes from the 13th century Middle English term idiot, which was derived from the Greek word idiota, meaning “a person lacking skill or expertise.” A car, on the other hand, is essentially a two ton killing machine on wheels. It’s a heavy rubber, plastic and metal box powered by tiny explosions of toxic fluids and it has lots of jagged bit just under the surface waiting to appear suddenly upon impact. And every day millions of these things are placed under the control of, at best, “a person lacking skill or expertise.” Now the contemporary world is a fast moving place and it can get a little imposing and intimidating at times. So the occasional driving error with no injury or damage can be forgiven. But the danger-morons who show a consistent pattern of driving skill regarding even the most basic tasks should be forced to walk everywhere. Changing lanes. What high beams are for. How a stop sign works. Too many people lack this basic information because they got their driving license from a Cracker Jack box. Even parking a car is beyond the ability of these imbeciles. With that in mind we now present the Award for Astoundingly Incompetent Half-Assery in the Category of Parking. In this highly competitive event, two parallel lines are separated by a distance greater than the width of a car. The challenge... park a car between the lines. The challenge is further complicated by the presence of an extremely visible pillar that conveniently serves as a reference point for the edge of the parking space. And the award goes to... This ass-hat...  |
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