HAPPY 2010, YEAH RIGHT! for Wednesday, January 27, 2010

HAPPY 2010 …YEAH RIGHT!

Hello Children.   It’s been awhile. Did you miss your Uncle Hornbeck?   Of course you didn’t.   Nobody misses anybody anymore. Now that we can phone, fax, email, tweet (twit, twat, twoot… whatever), or text anyone anywhere 24/7 no one needs to miss anyone  anymore.   They don’t even have to miss people they should be missing. People they haven’t seen in weeks, months years because they felt “in touch” all along.   But that’s okay. I appreciate the sentiment that you never had but are hearing about because you’ve stumbled into this little corner where the dust-bunnies of irritation gather.   And good news… this’ll be one of my more succinct tirades.   It is, however, on a familiar theme… the slovenly use of language which is “dumbifying” each generation to be “more stupider” than the previous.   If this keeps up the children being spawned today won’t be able to name what a “shoelace” is, let alone tie one until they’re in their 40’s… if EVER!   What do I mean? Well, it’s like this…   There’s been a commercial running round these parts (Toronto, Canada for those of you hopelessly lost on the interweb) for Teflon windshield wiper blades.   (I won’t name the company because I’ve never heard their name over the grinding of my own teeth at the end of the ad.)   A woman is talking about how her favourite channel is the Weather Channel. She watches it all the time.   The visuals depict her watching TV at all hours of the day/night, devouring popcorn, presumably transfixed by this Weather Channel of which she speaks.   She then tells how she had to drive her son somewhere, even though she knew it was winter and her windshield wiper blades needed replacing.   But… she felt confident driving because after all “the Weather Channel said there was only a 5% chance of snow.”   And then she says…   (Brace yourselves O’ Ye Brethren of Blood-Pressure Induced Fits of Murderous Rage)   She says… “Of course, they were wrong.”   Did you hear that!?! “THEY were WRONG”!!   REALLY. REALLY?   Were they? Or is she just the sort of imbecile who is being allowed to decimate the human race with her contributions of BOTH sides of the nature/nurture debate?   You see, fictitious advertising construct, “THEY” weren’t “WRONG”. You are simply a retard.   A 5% chance of snow is a prediction ---based on highly variable factors--- estimates that the likelihood that there WILL be snow is, at the time of prediction 5%.   So NO, fictitious construct. “THEY” weren’t “WRONG”.   They predicted a 5% probability and you ended up landing within that probability outcome.   If I predict that it isn’t likely to snow tomorrow, and then it does… that doesn’t make me WRONG! You can’t be RIGHT or WRONG, which are absolute values, about a conditional statement.   FULL STOP.   Next time, fictitious construct, advertising company and corporate client, why don’t you PAY ATTENTION to the copy written by whatever twenty-something moron?   You might just prevent the premature demise of the human race.   Won’t somebody think of the children?