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WHAT IF: MEGAN FOX STARRED IN EVERYTHING? | |
| Sure she’s pretty, but some say she is a terrible actor … actress … whatever. One thing is for sure, Megan Fox is part of popular culture in our universe. But what about other universes? We at CPFOG the Blog World Headquarters turned on our special Dimensional Universal See Through Thingy (D.U.S.T.T.) and took a peek. We discovered a world where Megan Fox was not only an actress, but she was the ONLY lead actress. | |
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 Our story begins several thousand years B.C. Egyptian Pharaoh Narmer decided he wished to be entertained by a comely beauty. His handlers didn’t have far to go, for Megan Fox was just brought in as a slave. Her vast beauty more than made up for her limited range and she entertained the Pharaoh with stories and songs. Legend has it that one of her songs went like this (After Translation.) In the land of milk and honey Pharaoh, Don’t you know that I love you. In the land of milk and honey Pharaoh, Don’t you know that I’ll always be true. | |
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 Let us move forward a few thousand years to 1942. The story of a former gun runner who settled down to become a bar owner in the exotic local of Casablanca needed a special kind of woman to star as Ilsa opposite Humphrey Bogart’s Rick. Although the part almost went to wanna be actress Ingrid Bergman (who later went on to work at the studio commissary), no one could possibly capture the type of layered performance needed like Megan Fox. The movie has since become a classic and Megan Fox won yet another Academy Award against Megan Fox in The Song of Bernadette, Megan Fox in The More the Merrier and Megan Fox in Sahara. | |
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 Director Sergio Leone wasn’t planning on making one of his titular characters in The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (1966) a woman, but since Megan Fox had been in his two previous “Man With No Name” spaghetti westerns, and also the four movies he directed before them, he thought it was time for her to stretch her acting chops. Of course the viewing public ate up her performance and this started a trend of Megan Fox appearing in roles not normally meant for women, such as her Academy Award performance as blind piano player Ray Charles in the Biography Ray and as Harry the sasquatch in Harry and the Henderson's. (for which she won an Academy Award.) | |
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 In the movie Toys (1992), Megan Fox stretched her acting wings once again and played the role of toy factory owner Leslie Zevo half of the time. The other half he was played by comic actor Robin Williams. Many Hollywood insiders thought that two people playing the same character in alternating takes would be too confusing to the audiences, and the movie did not perform as well as expected. Still, Megan Fox was rewarded with an Best Actress Academy Award, which was thereafter named the Megan Fox Award. As an interesting side note, the tabloids were abuzz with rumours that Fox was having a torrid affair with Williams, who was married. This was nothing new as it was always assumed that Fox was sleeping with her male lead, what was different was when Williams made an appearance on the Tonight Show with Megan Fox and admitted she had turned him down. Williams career never recovered. | |
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 It was not rare for Megan Fox to star in an adaption of a Stephen King work, what was strange for Megan Fox to appear topless throughout the entire movie. Some say this is why The Lawnmower Man (1992) broke all box office records, became the highest grossing movie of all time, (only to be topped years later by the Megan Fox movie Megan Fox Appears Nude on a Trampoline: The Movie.) and stayed in some theatres for two and a half years. This started a trend of Megan Fox appearing in some form of undress in each movie, and won mathematician Marcus du Sautoy the Nobel Prize in Mathematics for his theory that showed the greatest amount of Megan Fox nudity to box office receipt ratio. (Hint, it’s complete nudity.) | |
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 Let’s not say Megan Fox doesn’t have a charitable side. In 2003 Fox starred in the reality TV show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, a spin off of her beauty makeover show Extreme Makeover. There was a slight problem with the concept, though. Since Fox had no construction ability, the building of the homes was left to a team of experienced builders, led by Ty Pennington (who was rumoured to be having an affair with Fox). The producers decided then that Megan Fox should not only host the show, but periodically appear in various states of undress in order to raise the ratings. This won mathematician Marcus du Sautoy (who was rumoured to be having an affair with Fox) the Nobel Prize in Mathematics for his theory that showed the greatest amount of Megan Fox nudity to ratings ratio. (Hint, it’s complete nudity.) | |
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 Animation has always been a problem for Megan Fox. Sure, she had voiced such classic characters as Snow White (1937), Winnie the Pooh and the entire cast of The Lion King (1994) (for which she won the Megan Fox award for a record time), no one had thought to put Megan Fox the person into a movie until the geniuses at Pixar released the teaser trailer for Toy Story 3 (2010). As you cans see, the animators used motion caption technology to put Megan Fox into the story, which finds Buzz and Woody fighting over a new toy, Megan Fox. As a result of this brilliant marketing Toy Story 3 tickets have been sold out for the last two years and it is rumoured that Megan Fox may win the Megan Fox award another, record winning time. | |
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| So what is the future for Megan Fox? One can only assume there will be a few roles, a few more Megan Fox awards and a few torrid affairs. But one thing is for sure, Megan Fox will go down in history as our best, and only, lead actress of this or any generation. | |
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| Written by: Gord Gardiner Photos by: T. Gregory Argall |
