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| For our first edition we were subjected to a remarkable amount of brave morans. Morans that were not afraid to walk the road less taken. To face off against the overwhelming tide of love and law and good taste and proudly cry out “Hey, look at me! I am a big, stinking MORAN and I don’t care if you know it!” Oh we know it. Yes, yes we do. |
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| Patrick Swayze died last week. I’m sorry to remind everyone of this fact. I know we were all sad, especially those of us who  didn’t have him in our dead pool. But he did, and somehow the world goes on. In the wake of this sudden and not expected death from terminal cancer, it seemed the whole world cried. And who wouldn’t. Anyone who had seen Road House knows that Swayze is the preeminent bar owner/bouncer with a heart of gold playing actor of this or any generation. It also seems that he was a nice guy off screen too. So of course it makes sense that people like Keanu Reeves would say something like “He was such a great actor and just really brought light to wherever he went.” So leave it to noted cancer care expert Dr. Suzanne Somers to put everything into perspective. "They took this beautiful man and they basically put poison in him," she reportedly said. "Why couldn't they have built him up nutritionally and gotten rid of the toxins in his body? I hate to be this controversial. I'm a singer-dancer-comedienne. But we have an epidemic going on, and I have to say it." Yes Suzanne, we have an epidemic going on. An epidemic of stupid, moranic semi-celebrities opening their mouths and offering medical advice that they are not, in any way shape or form, qualified to give. Chemotherapy isn’t the greatest cure ever, not by a long shot, but it has saved more lives than doing nothing, which is basically what Dr. Somers is advocating. And for those of you who do not know, as far as cancer is concerned, doing nothing is 100% fatal. |
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| First, the woman’s name is Orly Taint. Yes, that is really her name. Next, she is a lawyer … maybe … barely. Lastly, she is the self appointed leader of the “Birther” movement. What that means is she is the one at the head of the moranic group of people who believe that President Obam  a was born in Kenya and therefore not eligible to be President of the united States. Of course, that in itself is not enough to add her to Moran Monday, nor is the two, count ‘em two, phony Kenyan birth certificates she has tried to pass off as real. No this week she is here because last week she was laughed out of court … again, and this week she came back challenging last weeks decision, even though the judge threatened her with a $10,000 fine. The case last week was on behalf of one Army Captain Rhodes who went to medical school on the public coin then decided, on the eve of her deployment to Iraq, that she can’t be sent away because Obama is not legitimately president. BUT (and there is always a but with these people) Ms. Taint filed THIS WEEKS motion without the consent of Captain Rhodes, who decided to go to Iraq and leave this ugliness behind her. Which means that on top of the $10,000 fine, Ms. Taint could be disbarred and spend some time in jail. Too bad they can’t strip her of her citizenship … what? She’s not an American citizen????? She’s German??? So then the question of who is President is NONE OF HER DAMN BUSINESS ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!! What a moran! |
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| One: She is a virgin at 53. Two: Technically????? Three: She is at a school board meeting to discuss their plans for sex education. Four: That discussion was held the night before. Five: Not so technically a Moran. |
| Written By: Gord Gardiner |
